the divide

The divide

You stand so far away I can barely make out your face

Lucky for me, I have the memory

Detecting a shift, I look at your feet

                And see them move

You step closer to me

So I back away

Wringing hands in nervous energy

And in grief

Your right hand lifted just a bit toward me

I noticed your fingers tried to stretch out

Shouting a quick STOP to me

But you saw in my eyes that it was already lost

You stopped yourself to avoid the pain

                And embarrassment

Amazing how love like this could exist

A connection deep as the soul

Fear so violent, sickening

The space, the divide between us is my only comfort

I stumble at one point, while shuffling in reverse

Nearly falling then righting myself again

Standing here, we stare at each other

Daring the other to speak, to move

What will happen next?

There were a few moments where I nearly ran to you

Sprinted at full speed, feet pounding out redemption on the ground below

Then I would think of all of things you have done

The lies

The denial

The betrayal

The fear I have of you

The trust that you shattered and blew away and chased the particles of, swatting them into oblivion

Those memories planted me down

Sedentary and unable to move forward

I could only drift back

And for this, I hated you even more

Hate as a bitter, burning seed in my being

That drew out feelings of disgust and a desire to pull hair, break skin, smear blood, activate nerve endings that would fire signals of excruciating pain

Pain that you would not soon forget

That could not easily subside

And these desires of mal-intent made me tired

So I sat on the ground where I had once stood

Still tired, I lied down

On my side at first

Until my side hurt and grew tired

I quickly developed sores from that position

Then on my back, and I turned my head to you

Compelled to still look at you

                STARE at you!

I noticed something familiar about your face then

And the way you stood

And the mirror behind your eyes

I lifted my left hand

And I watched your left go up

I grabbed my wrist with the right hand

And gazed in awe, as yours did the same

And I watched you gaze in awe at me

As I did what you did

And as you did what I did

And I realized that I was you

And you were me