uncomfortable with myself

Uncomfortable with myself

Too many parts of me – in the inward guts, the soul, the belly

Too many surprises

                I fear the man who bears my shadow

Capable of giving life

Just as proficient in taking life away

Wearing a pair of jeans that are just not cut right

Clinging to my calves, baggy in the seat

Too cold and too tired to change back into my pj’s

Uncomfortable to the point of frustration, anger

Wanting to sneak back into bed and turn off the day

But there’s work

And kids

And life to manage

The best option is to turn the music up

And dive into the sea of white page, littered with the black letter bodies of fishing seagulls

I can soar under the surface – go as deep as I want to go

I can swim down to the bottom and hold myself underneath the waves

Watch my face turn blue as bubbles pour out

Watch me drown and thereby, become less and less of me

Watch me destroy the me that destroys me