a few complaints

A FEW COMPLAINTS

I can’t write

I can’t think

I can’t concentrate,

                I can’t get free

I can’t relax

I can’t let go

I can’t compose

                I can’t reach desire

Gems, hiding inside of slippery, glass marbles

Gems with refracting, radiant light

                Catching my eye - my wanting eye

Slip and spin away with each grasp

They graze along the span of my reaching hand

They spit out in the opposite direction

                Away from me, always out of reach

I lean forward on my haunches

I press out to them

But nothing

Blank, dark sky and empty sound in the wind

Frozen landscape at two am

Even the light freezes still in space

And I am grey and dry

                Alone without the fire

I can’t sing

I can’t emote

I can’t decide

                So I decide to do nothing

Jealousy erodes my self confidence

                As I see others create worlds alive

And my daisy stem wilts within my grasp

                Bends over to the earth

And closes it’s eyes in acquiescence to corruption

In my loss, I lie still

I lie still and wait

The darkness is thick

The hum of the refrigerator communicates to me

It says,

                “Youuuuuuuuuuuuu will never make iiiiiiiiit”

I can feel

I can worry

I can describe the nothing that I am

I can stare at vain images

I can wait impatiently for this to change

I can and I can’t

And I won’t anymore