rejected

“rejected”

I wish for things

Like I wish my dad had been younger when he’d had me

58 is not an acceptable age to father a child,

                Unless you plan on leaving when you’re 82

Before I got married

Had kids

Did something, anything,

                To make you proud

I wish my mother would have found

                Another outlet in her life

And not used me as a filter for her stinging guilt

I wish my family had not been broke

                Most of my life

I wish I didn’t tense up when I see people from my past

How do I dance around this conversation?

And make myself look the best - ??

I wish I’d appreciated my wife and children more

                Before I almost tossed it all away

I wish I hadn’t of ruined my credit

And used so many drugs

And gave my heart to whores

And driven so fast, so far,

                So close to the very edge

Inches from the wide, open space of death

I wish I’d stuck with pursuing a career doing something I love

I wish I were self disciplined

I wish it were easier for me to get thin again

                And that I had better hair

I wish I could stop

You, in the mirror

Stop

You set traps for yourself

You spin the wheel

                And purport the cycle of rejection

There’s no one here,

                Forcing your hand

Standing over your shoulder and speaking ill of you

It’s just you now,

And all that you’ve learned to do

                And not do